Bearfruit

I’ve invested a non-trivial amount of thought and research into the optimal way to cut a pizza for a small family and have come to the firm conclusion that in most cases cutting asymmetrically is the best.

By this I mean that I now deliberately try to cut the pieces so that they are not the same size. There are some instances where this is not the best route but for a typical family dinner it works out ideally.

Imagine a family like this, a husband, a wife and two kids that are not the same age. We’ll use some stereotypes here which of course are not valid some times but it will work to make my point.

In such a family you could imagine that the father would have a slightly bigger appetite than the mother, who would have a bigger appetite than the older child who would have a bigger appetite than the younger child.

If you cut the pizza symmetrically then the youngest child may not be satisfied with a single piece of pizza but would be unable to eat a full second piece, causing waste. Likewise, the older child may be able to eat a little more than two but not three. You can see where this is leading. There’s nothing a hungry dad likes less than seeing partial pieces of pizza go into the trash.

So take a look at this picture:

The father, who in our example has the biggest appetite, would take pieces “a” and “b.” The mother would take pieces “c” and “h.” The older child would take pieces “d” and “g” while the younger child would take pieces “e” and “f.” Everyone gets two pieces yet everyone gets a portion that is satisfying to them.

Brilliant, yet simple, eh? Well, there are two things that can go wrong that I should warn you about. First, if you’re feeding a group of kids it is important to not use this technique - instead go for perfect symmetry. If you don’t know why this is important then you probably aren’t a parent. Trust me, symmetry is ideal.

Second, you may have several people with similar appetites. For this group I’ll suggest an alternate solution, the “restaurant cut.” This cuts a piece into more, but smaller pieces. See the image below:

This is a bit unconventional compared to common pizza delivery methods but it has numerous benefits:

• Some people don’t like crust, they get an interior piece
• Some people love crust, they get an outside piece
• Pieces are smaller so people eat more pieces
• Smaller pieces decrease the chance of waste
• Works great if you have a variety of pizzas and people want to try a little of each

It is scary to consider but I’ve actually been working on this for years. Despite this I’m sure that there are people with other experiences who can contribute, please leave comments to share your insight.